Monday, January 23, 2012

The "Arranged" Affair...

I was completely taken a back by this thought : "In our lives all the things are arranged".

Well, after careful consideration I came to the conclusion, that most of us would agree, "In our lives most of the things are arranged", birth and death(well this has exceptions too) are nice exceptions.

Our studies are arranged.             "Yes sir!"
Our birthday parties are arranged.     "Yes sir!"
Our to-do lists on the job are arranged.     "Yes sir!"
Our marriages are arranged.     "Well not all sir..."
hmmm, you are talking about love marriages right?   "Yes sir!"
Ok then, Our love(stories) are arranged.     "!!  ???"

What?? Didnt get me?? Yes it is infrangible truth.

Yeah, many people won't agree with this fact, or if I say love is arranged. How many of our first relationships(I am confining myself here to the love at first sight or what people might call it as infatuation/attraction) are getting successfull and those couples are getting married... and even after that, those"love" marriages are lasting till death? I said that first relationship because I believe that love(pure) happens only once and often people realise it late. There is nothing wrong in arranging love, but people tend to think that this way of elucidating the present scenario of love stories is condescending. It is not and let me tell you that arranged marriage and arranged-love marriage are not the same.

It did not take long for me to realise that most of the love stories are arranged. I say arranged because people when asked about their affair would mention something or some attribute may be the caste or assets or position or qualification or (ahem)beauty as a plus point. So as I said before, unknowingly these facts helped(arranged) you to fall in love with her/him. There rests my case. Well, anyway, I am going to talk about various prequisites of guys that are involved in arranged and arranged-love marriages.

If you belong to the exalted set of intellectuals to whom the external female form holds no appeal, and those who evaluate other women according to the quality of their inner-selves,or who believe in "Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder", this article is not for you. Please stop reading and before you do that, I salute you to your self control and ideological correctness. I am not worthy of even addressing you (kneel! kneel!).

So people, I am now going to talk about arranged-love marriages, the dream of a conventional guy of Indian origin. People first of all, you should get clarified one thing here. Arranged-love marriages are having far more safe and successfull results than love marriages. You would be amazed to know that in India still, 90% of marriages are arranged. And in this era, there has been quite a leap in the percentage of arranged-love marriages in this section. For you no help is needed, because according to your wish you will find out a life-partner of your choice. Still if you want a beautiful wife, continue reading as it might help you in rough sledding.

And now comes the most important part, the arranged(ok let me add pure arranged) marriages. And in this case, guys who want a beautiful wife(bride), it will be difficult task if you dont start exploring early, lets say at 25. Seen many, wasn't able to do anything. 

First of all, there is the matter of mentioning the fact to your parents. If your parents are anything near orthodox or conventional, they will freak out when they hear that their dear devoted son is actually interested in earthy things like beauty (and, by extrapolation, sex). It is not considered good form to say that beauty is important to you in Indian circles(well most of them). Even in exceptional cases, people will talk behind your back. Another important fact, do not leave bride-hunting to your parents! Beauty is going to be the last of their priorities, coming after caste, horoscopes, family background, perceived virtue of the girl etc. Make it very clear to them that beauty is high on your list of priorities. State in no uncertain terms that you will not marryanyone who does not measure up to your standards.

Even before doing of all this, first you have to convince yourself that you deserve a beautiful wife. Do not ever think, "But I am not so handsome anyway, how can I demand a pretty girl?" Since man started walking the earth, it has been man's wealth that has been traded off with woman's beauty. Rest assured that your looks will be the last thing on a girl's mind when she rates you as a prospective husband(I am excluding midgets and fatsos). She will be deliberating about your income, income growth potential, assets, percentage in ur PG or Graduation(this actually happened) etc etc.

You have worked hard, wasted some number like ten of the most wonderful years of your life getting where you are. As one my friends said it to a foreigner after hugging her(:P) "After all hard work should be worth something good" and yeah, he did get good. :P  So, you deserve something out of it. Please do not squander your bargaining postion with your low self-esteem. In simpler words, do not be ashamed of making beauty your first preference.

I wrote this article after seeing some elder persons close to me. My experiences during their bride hunting and marriages have been written. To my friends who think that this might be too early to plan/ponder about these things, please do not regret later. A little knowledge wouldn't hurt. :P

Happy Hunting to elders, and be prepared(for peers).

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Man ..... Woman ..... Life

Life is indeed cruel to men. It all started when I read the following statement:

"When they are born their mothers get compliments and flowers, when they get married their brides get presents and publicity and when they die their wives get the sympathies and the insurance money."

I sincerely believe that whosoever termed the fair sex to be weaker sex has done an unfair thing since the weaker sex is indeed the stronger sex because of the weakness of the stronger sex for the weaker sex. The world is full of men who convert this weakness into a lifelong bondage, euphemistically called marriage. They are perhaps too innocent to realize that marriage is the name of the game where the man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's degree.

But then hey, different bachelors have different compulsions to walk into this bondage.
Sometimes stealing a kiss leads to life imprisonment - crime and punishment. Some others fall into this trap after calculating that it is cheaper to marry a girl and keep her home than not to marry and take her out.

Some people marry in haste. Alas they now repent in leisure also :P. It is true that marriages are made in heaven but when the couple join hands on the earth it becomes just another union that defies management. As the resonance of the wedding turns into a cacophony, and the 'better-half' starts looking like a bitter half, it does not take long for the man to wonder 'what happened to the girl he married?' or/and for the woman to wonder 'what happened to the man she didn't?' :P

But most often the discord happens on account of the the average husband's ambition to be able to afford what his wife is spending. As it always happens in such cases, the joint account is never over-drawn by the wife, it is always under-deposited by the husband. :P

Many of the old couples however say that such differences between husband and wife are spice of connubial relationships, for where there is no difference there must be a vast degree of indifference. The harmony arising out of love is the essence that sustains marital happiness. It has certain well defined secrets. ' To be happy with a man you have to love him a little and understand him a lot; To be happy with a woman you have to love her a lot and understand her a little'. Mutual trust and confidence is the other criterion for marital harmony, as every husband expects himself to be his wife's first love while every wife hopes herself to be her husband's last romance. :P

Finally, however, marriage turns out be a cafeteria: you choose what you like and pay for it later. What you pay and how much you pay depends upon your luck. For it takes quite a bit of luck to make a wife out of a woman. God created woman after man, and ever since then she has been after man. :P