Monday, January 23, 2012

The "Arranged" Affair...

I was completely taken a back by this thought : "In our lives all the things are arranged".

Well, after careful consideration I came to the conclusion, that most of us would agree, "In our lives most of the things are arranged", birth and death(well this has exceptions too) are nice exceptions.

Our studies are arranged.             "Yes sir!"
Our birthday parties are arranged.     "Yes sir!"
Our to-do lists on the job are arranged.     "Yes sir!"
Our marriages are arranged.     "Well not all sir..."
hmmm, you are talking about love marriages right?   "Yes sir!"
Ok then, Our love(stories) are arranged.     "!!  ???"

What?? Didnt get me?? Yes it is infrangible truth.

Yeah, many people won't agree with this fact, or if I say love is arranged. How many of our first relationships(I am confining myself here to the love at first sight or what people might call it as infatuation/attraction) are getting successfull and those couples are getting married... and even after that, those"love" marriages are lasting till death? I said that first relationship because I believe that love(pure) happens only once and often people realise it late. There is nothing wrong in arranging love, but people tend to think that this way of elucidating the present scenario of love stories is condescending. It is not and let me tell you that arranged marriage and arranged-love marriage are not the same.

It did not take long for me to realise that most of the love stories are arranged. I say arranged because people when asked about their affair would mention something or some attribute may be the caste or assets or position or qualification or (ahem)beauty as a plus point. So as I said before, unknowingly these facts helped(arranged) you to fall in love with her/him. There rests my case. Well, anyway, I am going to talk about various prequisites of guys that are involved in arranged and arranged-love marriages.

If you belong to the exalted set of intellectuals to whom the external female form holds no appeal, and those who evaluate other women according to the quality of their inner-selves,or who believe in "Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder", this article is not for you. Please stop reading and before you do that, I salute you to your self control and ideological correctness. I am not worthy of even addressing you (kneel! kneel!).

So people, I am now going to talk about arranged-love marriages, the dream of a conventional guy of Indian origin. People first of all, you should get clarified one thing here. Arranged-love marriages are having far more safe and successfull results than love marriages. You would be amazed to know that in India still, 90% of marriages are arranged. And in this era, there has been quite a leap in the percentage of arranged-love marriages in this section. For you no help is needed, because according to your wish you will find out a life-partner of your choice. Still if you want a beautiful wife, continue reading as it might help you in rough sledding.

And now comes the most important part, the arranged(ok let me add pure arranged) marriages. And in this case, guys who want a beautiful wife(bride), it will be difficult task if you dont start exploring early, lets say at 25. Seen many, wasn't able to do anything. 

First of all, there is the matter of mentioning the fact to your parents. If your parents are anything near orthodox or conventional, they will freak out when they hear that their dear devoted son is actually interested in earthy things like beauty (and, by extrapolation, sex). It is not considered good form to say that beauty is important to you in Indian circles(well most of them). Even in exceptional cases, people will talk behind your back. Another important fact, do not leave bride-hunting to your parents! Beauty is going to be the last of their priorities, coming after caste, horoscopes, family background, perceived virtue of the girl etc. Make it very clear to them that beauty is high on your list of priorities. State in no uncertain terms that you will not marryanyone who does not measure up to your standards.

Even before doing of all this, first you have to convince yourself that you deserve a beautiful wife. Do not ever think, "But I am not so handsome anyway, how can I demand a pretty girl?" Since man started walking the earth, it has been man's wealth that has been traded off with woman's beauty. Rest assured that your looks will be the last thing on a girl's mind when she rates you as a prospective husband(I am excluding midgets and fatsos). She will be deliberating about your income, income growth potential, assets, percentage in ur PG or Graduation(this actually happened) etc etc.

You have worked hard, wasted some number like ten of the most wonderful years of your life getting where you are. As one my friends said it to a foreigner after hugging her(:P) "After all hard work should be worth something good" and yeah, he did get good. :P  So, you deserve something out of it. Please do not squander your bargaining postion with your low self-esteem. In simpler words, do not be ashamed of making beauty your first preference.

I wrote this article after seeing some elder persons close to me. My experiences during their bride hunting and marriages have been written. To my friends who think that this might be too early to plan/ponder about these things, please do not regret later. A little knowledge wouldn't hurt. :P

Happy Hunting to elders, and be prepared(for peers).


  1. padukobettav.. nice analysis. I like the very level headed way in which you looked at things.